I kinda want to say that this post doesn't need no introduction... but then I remember the type of world I live in where a warning like "Do Not Use Toaster in Bathtub" is needed on the appliance itself. So let's get to it...
My mother has a habit of... needing new phones. I don't know why. She just does. Like she's some sort of fucking high-class agent that involves rappelling down the side of mountains and jumping onto trains and getting into hand to hand combat to be able to save the mayor's daughter who is tied to the tracks up ahead a few miles and has to use a wrench she finds to replace the broken brake lever and stop the train just in time... at which point, she steps off the train triumpant, and drops her phone and it breaks..........just go with it. So anyway, she asked me today when she's due for an upgrade, because the last 3 times I replaced her phone in the past year in a half wasn't enough (she goes on a lot of missions, I guess).
Logging into my account, I was surprised to see I'm no longer told when the next upgrade will occur for any of the phones. And so I decided to get some quick assistance via an online chat. And the following discussion occurred:
T-Mobile: We have received your information and will connect you with a T-Mobile Chat Specialist soon.
Hannah D: Good Morning, Emanuele! We appreciate your taking time to chat with us.
Hannah D: I can certainly look into your next upgrade, I bet you are so excited about this.
Manny: Not even a little bit, Hannah.
Manny: My mother is a clumsy woman, and this is already the 4th phone I'm replacing for her because she can't keep it in her damn hands.
Manny: But good morning to you. :-)
Hannah D: May I ask why? If you don't mind.
Hannah D: Oh, well, you know accident happens.
Manny: I'm just wondering when the next upgrade for phone line 5209 is. Nothing more. No need to try and replace this one now, no need to try and sell me anything else, in fact, I'm close to wanting to drop her from my plan... but in due time.
Manny: I agree, they do happen... but the only other people I know that replace a phone this many times in a year are in the mafia.
Hannah D: Good news 5209 is already eligible for upgrade right now.
Hannah D: \
Hannah D: Sorry about the */ keys.
Manny: LoL no worries.
Manny: It is? How come my profile doesn't state that.
Manny: In fact, I remember I used to be able to see the dates of the next upgrades, and now none of them show that.
Hannah D: I do apologize for the confusion that this creates to you. This is because you are on a Classic plan and we do not offer discounts on phones now, only through Installment plan.
Hannah D: But you can still upgrade with discount through our third party store like Target, Costco and Bestbuy.
Manny: Ah, good to know.
Hannah D: Do you have any other questions or concerns?
Manny: So basically, it's no longer a discount I'd receive, it's installment plans.
Hannah D: For you to be able to be eligible to Installment plan on upgrade, you must change your plan to our New simple choice plan and before you can change to simple choice plan, upgrade eligibility per line should be 18 months and above.
Hannah D: As of now 5209 is the only one eligible to have the simple choice plan but 5209 must wait for the 2 other lines.
Manny: So what is the upgrade available for 5209 if it has to wait for the other two lines to be put on Simple Choice Plan?
Hannah D: Good Question Emanuele!
Hannah D: Right now as while waiting for the 2 lines the 5209 is eligible to switch to simple choice and as I verified it, 5209 is eligible for the Installment plan through upgrade.
Hannah D: In Installment plan you will have to pay the downpayment required of the phone of your choice then the balance will be divided into 24 months to be added on your monthly bill.
Manny: Wow, that sounds... really inconvenient.
Hannah D: May I ask why?
Manny: I don't think you'd really want to hear what I have to say, but sure.
Manny: I've been a customer of TMob's for about 12 years now...
(Agent is typing.)
Manny: No, no... let me finish typing...
Hannah D: And we highly appreciate that!
Hannah D: Okay.
Manny: I remember how much easier it was to buy a phone, have it for two years... and they always worked great for the entire two years... and then upgrade with a discount because I got the two year plan when I got the phone.
Manny: And that's it. No installment plan. No pay what you want, and the balance is divided into 24 months. None of that.
Manny: It was just "You earned a discount for being with us for two years... buy yourself a new phone." and it got paid.
Manny: So, if you're looking for customer feedback in regards to your Simple Choice plan... here's mine: It sucks.
Hannah D: I understand how you feel about it and we respect your decision.
Manny: I know it's not your fault, Hannah, you're just an employee pushing what is given to you, and I understand that, I used to work retail.
Manny: But please, feel free to quote me to who ever you have to about the new simple choice plan upgrade installment thingy: It sucks.
Manny: Hannah, you have been a great help, and I give you my word that if I receive a call in regards to how you were, you will get a 10.
Hannah D: You can always have a discount on phone through our third party store like what I have mentioned. Your comment will be notated on your account memo.
Manny: Thank you. I will definitely look into that, as well as looking to change service providers.
Hannah D: I am sorry to hear that you want to leave T-mobile. I am hoping that you reconsider.
Hannah D: Do you have any other questions or concerns?
Manny: Like I said, I was with TMobile back when they were VoiceStream... and to still be receiving treatment and services like I'm a new customer... I might as well be a new customer to someone else.
Manny: Again, thank you so much, Hannah. Enjoy the rest of your day.
So, yeah... thank you, T-Mobile, for your outstanding display of customer appreciation. Now, I won't lie, I don't exactly have the best service from time to time. But I never cared. It just meant that I couldn't be reached, and I hate people enough as it is. Yet, I always went to bat for you, and advised people that you were great, and that you offered amazing deals, and blah blah blah. Yeah, you shat in bread, and called it Nutella. Enjoy your crap. I'll sign up with a company that does look out for its loyal customers.
As the British say: Toodle-go fuck yourself. (I'm paraphrasing.)