Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Let me tell you the story about How I Met Your Highness...

Alright... you guys are old enough. I'm gonna tell you the story of how I met Your Highness. Now I know you may have heard it. Someone may have told you already. But you heard the short version. There's a bigger story and it's important for you to hear. If you think you're being punished for something, then chances are, you're gonna die alone anyway. This may take a while, but...

Once upon a time, before I was this awesome, I had this whole other life. It was back in 2008. I was a single broken man, my hair was that of a rat's nest, and I had no direction in life whatsoever. Life was shit, until one October night when I came across this amazing profile on PlentyOfFish.com. Something about it-- you could tell it wasn't some 14 year old kid that wrote it... or some middle aged, overweight male... or a dog... it was genuine. It bothered me some that she wasn't a fan of Corvettes, but seeing the pictures made up for the fact.

One picture in particular stood out. She was dressed up as Wonder Woman. Now although, at the time, I was in the mindset of Bizarro, deep down still lived Superman fighting to get out. It was almost kismet for me to find this profile and I knew I had to message her. But anyone who's attempted online dating knows that to be a male trying to get the attention of a female is about as difficult a task as opening a twist off metal cap off a bottle of beer -- it can be done, but you're gonna really have to put some careful effort into it so you don't chip a tooth (ie: your ego).

"Hey, what's going on?"
"Wow. You look hot! How r u?"
"Yo, wanna chat?"

All the generic, one-line messages that guys usually send that makes them think 'Yeah... this'll win her over.'
But kids, this is the wrong play. You don't want to be a carbon copy. As it is, the reason I got into meeting someone online is because at a bar, a woman's guard is already up and for every one female, there's 10 guys already eyeing her. No, no, I had to be different. And it couldn't be easier than having had my competition set it up for me. I wrote her a personal note, mentioning things from her profile, as well as mentioned her in Wonder Woman gear and how it's only perfect for Superman to have a drink with her.

And so on October 29th, I Blu'd out with some leather wrist bands and bracelets and donned my white bandanna à la Bret Michaels and trekked over to the Island of Staten to have a drink with her. I've never been so I was clearly out of my element like a white boy in the Bronx which happened to me back when I was about sixteen years old. I had gon-- wait, I'll get to that another time. I picked up this *wonder*ful woman and we went to a little place called Cargo just by the ferry. Normally, I'd say don't go to eat for a first date so that if you don't click, you can finish your drink and call it a night. But it seemed right. So we had some food, we had some drinks, I fought this giant, fire-breathing cockroach for her honor, and-- what? Oh... yeah...

Just like the biblical days of Yore, in order to win the fair maiden's heart, I was put in a battle against this 9 foot tall -- I overestimate... maybe 8 and a half -- cockroach. I had sent the powerful beast to a corner and remarked that we would cross horns at a later time, but the beast would have none of it! I could tell the fair maiden was in distress as a trickle of sweat started to form upon her brow. She tried her best to maintain the conversation and eye contact, and I tried just as much to distract her. Suddenly, she looked in panic as she stated "Oh me, oh my, I cannot see whereth upon the beast has gone!" Nevertheless, I continued to try and distract her from the impending danger by asking her about herself. Just listening to her voice was enough to have me lose myself in a moment of bliss and ecstasy. But I knew I must be cautious, for the beast could be anywhere.

It was then that I noticed him. Creeping ever so quietly and stealthly beside her. I must not provoke him for the slightest jerk can alarm him. I must not make eye contact, for the slightest stare could turn the toughest man to stone. But I must protect her honor. I fiddled with my sword that I so cleverly disguised as a cocktail napkin, came around to her side of the bench, and despite looking like a creeper for a slight moment, I put my arm around her only to reach over and slay the mighty 13 foot tall beast. Fuck you, he grew.

I know I mentioned that it was a fire-breathing cockroach and no where in the story did he breath fire, but just-- you know.... okay?

Where was I? Oh yeah, so we chatted. There was a moment or two where I was over-sharing, but when I eventually shut the fuck up and let her talk, there was something about her voice and her eyes that I just got so lost in. Yeah, I definitely needed to get to know this girl.

We finished our drinks and I drove her home. In front of her place, we each mentioned how great a night we had and how the second date shouldn't wait too long to happen. I could tell she wanted to kiss good night, but being a perfect gentleman, I insisted we don't on a first date and wished her a good night's sleep, adding that I look forward to hearing from her. I kissed her on the cheek, she smiled, and she went home.

I'm sure she'll tell you it went down different. Something about how I went to get a kiss on the cheek, and at the last minute, turned my face to steal one on the lips and how she was too smart for it and still hit her mark on the cheek and told me "Nice try" and said good night with a laugh and went home... whatever.

The stars did align that night. Something went right. Whether inadvertently or intentional, it did. Because in that week, we had two more dates. But I'll save those for another time. And six months later, we were engaged. And another year and a half later to that, we got married. And that kids, is how I met Your Highness. The Queen of my heart. The Daisy to my Luigi. The woman who continuously puts up with my shit.

Happy 5 Years Together, Anissa!

Monday, June 24, 2013

T-Mobile shits where it eats...

I kinda want to say that this post doesn't need no introduction... but then I remember the type of world I live in where a warning like "Do Not Use Toaster in Bathtub" is needed on the appliance itself. So let's get to it...

My mother has a habit of... needing new phones. I don't know why. She just does. Like she's some sort of fucking high-class agent that involves rappelling down the side of mountains and jumping onto trains and getting into hand to hand combat to be able to save the mayor's daughter who is tied to the tracks up ahead a few miles and has to use a wrench she finds to replace the broken brake lever and stop the train just in time... at which point, she steps off the train triumpant, and drops her phone and it breaks..........just go with it. So anyway, she asked me today when she's due for an upgrade, because the last 3 times I replaced her phone in the past year in a half wasn't enough (she goes on a lot of missions, I guess).

Logging into my account, I was surprised to see I'm no longer told when the next upgrade will occur for any of the phones. And so I decided to get some quick assistance via an online chat. And the following discussion occurred:
T-Mobile: We have received your information and will connect you with a T-Mobile Chat Specialist soon.
Hannah D: Good Morning, Emanuele! We appreciate your taking time to chat with us.
Hannah D: I can certainly look into your next upgrade, I bet you are so excited about this.
Manny: Not even a little bit, Hannah.
Manny: My mother is a clumsy woman, and this is already the 4th phone I'm replacing for her because she can't keep it in her damn hands.
Manny: But good morning to you. :-)
Hannah D: May I ask why? If you don't mind.
Hannah D: Oh, well, you know accident happens.
Manny: I'm just wondering when the next upgrade for phone line 5209 is. Nothing more. No need to try and replace this one now, no need to try and sell me anything else, in fact, I'm close to wanting to drop her from my plan... but in due time.
Manny: I agree, they do happen... but the only other people I know that replace a phone this many times in a year are in the mafia.
Hannah D: Good news 5209 is already eligible for upgrade right now.
Hannah D: \
Hannah D: Sorry about the */ keys.
Manny: LoL no worries.
Manny: It is? How come my profile doesn't state that.
Manny: In fact, I remember I used to be able to see the dates of the next upgrades, and now none of them show that.
Hannah D: I do apologize for the confusion that this creates to you. This is because you are on a Classic plan and we do not offer discounts on phones now, only through Installment plan.
Hannah D: But you can still upgrade with discount through our third party store like Target, Costco and Bestbuy.
Manny: Ah, good to know.
Hannah D: Do you have any other questions or concerns?
Manny: So basically, it's no longer a discount I'd receive, it's installment plans.
Hannah D: For you to be able to be eligible to Installment plan on upgrade, you must change your plan to our New simple choice plan and before you can change to simple choice plan, upgrade eligibility per line should be 18 months and above.
Hannah D: As of now 5209 is the only one eligible to have the simple choice plan but 5209 must wait for the 2 other lines.
Manny: So what is the upgrade available for 5209 if it has to wait for the other two lines to be put on Simple Choice Plan?
Hannah D: Good Question Emanuele!
Hannah D: Right now as while waiting for the 2 lines the 5209 is eligible to switch to simple choice and as I verified it, 5209 is eligible for the Installment plan through upgrade.
Hannah D: In Installment plan you will have to pay the downpayment required of the phone of your choice then the balance will be divided into 24 months to be added on your monthly bill.
Manny: Wow, that sounds... really inconvenient.
Hannah D: May I ask why?
Manny: I don't think you'd really want to hear what I have to say, but sure.
Manny: I've been a customer of TMob's for about 12 years now...
(Agent is typing.)
Manny: No, no... let me finish typing...
Hannah D: And we highly appreciate that!
Hannah D: Okay.
Manny: I remember how much easier it was to buy a phone, have it for two years... and they always worked great for the entire two years... and then upgrade with a discount because I got the two year plan when I got the phone.
Manny: And that's it. No installment plan. No pay what you want, and the balance is divided into 24 months. None of that.
Manny: It was just "You earned a discount for being with us for two years... buy yourself a new phone." and it got paid.
Manny: So, if you're looking for customer feedback in regards to your Simple Choice plan... here's mine: It sucks.
Hannah D: I understand how you feel about it and we respect your decision.
Manny: I know it's not your fault, Hannah, you're just an employee pushing what is given to you, and I understand that, I used to work retail.
Manny: But please, feel free to quote me to who ever you have to about the new simple choice plan upgrade installment thingy: It sucks.
Manny: Hannah, you have been a great help, and I give you my word that if I receive a call in regards to how you were, you will get a 10.
Hannah D: You can always have a discount on phone through our third party store like what I have mentioned. Your comment will be notated on your account memo.
Manny: Thank you. I will definitely look into that, as well as looking to change service providers.
Hannah D: I am sorry to hear that you want to leave T-mobile. I am hoping that you reconsider.
Hannah D: Do you have any other questions or concerns?
Manny: Like I said, I was with TMobile back when they were VoiceStream... and to still be receiving treatment and services like I'm a new customer... I might as well be a new customer to someone else.
Manny: Again, thank you so much, Hannah. Enjoy the rest of your day.
So, yeah... thank you, T-Mobile, for your outstanding display of customer appreciation. Now, I won't lie, I don't exactly have the best service from time to time. But I never cared. It just meant that I couldn't be reached, and I hate people enough as it is. Yet, I always went to bat for you, and advised people that you were great, and that you offered amazing deals, and blah blah blah. Yeah, you shat in bread, and called it Nutella. Enjoy your crap. I'll sign up with a company that does look out for its loyal customers.

As the British say: Toodle-go fuck yourself. (I'm paraphrasing.)

Friday, April 5, 2013

To My Father... an open letter...

Hey dad,

It's been a while since we last spoke. To say our paths will never cross again would be illogical. Even as big as world as this is, it's bound to happen sooner or later. But in the event that doesn't happen, I felt it was important for some type of closure.

First and foremost, know that I don't wish bad things on you. But in that same breath, I don't wish you well either. Things are what they are just as the sun rises and sets. And if I were anything but honest, then I'm no more than the two-faced hypocrites that I've come across and hate. So you'll have to excuse me if the things I write sting.

Before I go on, there's something I feel you should read:
"I'm not going to stand here before you and tell you this was something easy to write. On the contrary, I found this the most difficult speech I've ever had to put together. My father was a friend to some of you... and family to others. I can't help but think as I look around the room and wonder if I'm exactly the right person to be up here. Being his only son, that leaves me no choice."

That's an excerpt from a eulogy I wrote. I got the idea from a show I saw. It got me thinking about what I would say at your funeral in light of our... separation. It sits put away. Saved. I came across it again after I finished it, and read it... and read it again... and again... and I contemplated sealing it in an envelope and ripping it up. If you ask me why, I really couldn't tell you. It just... seemed like I should. But I put it away. Because I realize that reading it from time to time is the only thing stopping me from fully hating you.

That should tell you something. When that day comes that I have to stand before everyone and read it, I want you to know... right now, while you still can... that I do not intend to tarnish your image to them on your deathbed. It's somewhat not my character to have respect for the dead. I  mean, don't get me wrong, I don't go around dancing on graves and pissing on tombstones. But believe it or not actually, being one that is quick at the lip and sharp at the wit, I really never knew how to deal with death. So, trust me when I say that what I wrote is nothing but good things.

There's one other excerpt I want you to see from it:
"'You will make my strength your own, and see my life through your eyes, as your life will be seen through mine. The son becomes the father, and the father the son.'"

It's a quote. That was the last thing that Jor-El said to his son Kal-El (who, on our world, became known as Superman). You were my father. And I've accepted that. Truth of the matter is, I wouldn't be me if it weren't for you. And I'm not necessarily talking in the scientific-biological DNA way. I mean in the "Do as I say, not as I do" way. It's not to say you were abusive, and unloving, and absentee father. On the contrary, you were the exact opposite. Which is great... but not enough. I know, I'm being selfish cause there's many others out there who have it worse. But you know what, from time to time, I... like everyone else... deserves to be selfish. And deserves to get their way once in a while. Not spoiled. But once in a while.

I don't know, maybe I had high expectations. Maybe I was imagining the ultimate role of Danny Tanner and you just didn't live up to the hype. But aside from pretty much just being around, what did you teach me? What lessons did I learn in life? I mean, for fuck sake, ask me the last time I saw both my parents smiling and embraced in each other's arms. You know what that does to a kid? I mean I'm 30 now, I'm past it, so please, by no means should you try and make up for it... but being 5... 8... 10... 13... seeing all my friends parents being... you know... a fucking family... the fact that I didn't turn out like some maniac school shooter is nothing short of a miracle.

Strength. That's what Kal-El... Superman... got from his father. I guess in a way, that's what I got from you. From seeing your bad habits... realizing that's not the man I want to grow up to be... realizing I can do more good as a savior than a beggar. I don't really care to go into it all too much because it's only going to void out your eulogy more-so than these past few years have.

I want you to know something else about me... your son: I have struggled, and fought, and worked, and dug, and bled, and teared, and sweat, and scrambled for everything in my life. For what it's worth, I thank you for that. Because as I look around, and I see friends that got their first second-hand car when they got their license, or who got to live in the basement rent-free, or who got to have everything in life handed to them, you taught me responsibility... albeit, inadvertently. It's how you taught me that's fucked me up. If you had prepared me early in my years, then maybe we'd be in a different place right now. But it wasn't until I was well into my 20s that I realized, 'Holy shit... my actions now are what pave out my future.' And I had to struggle, more than I probably should have. So... for what it's worth... thank you... thank you for raising a fuck up. I don't know if you know this, but I was supposed to graduate high school six months early. But I bombed a whole semester, and never recovered. I can't help but think what doors that could have possibly opened for me. But I'm not going to put that on you. It was entirely my doing.

One thing you did teach me that I'll never forget and will be sure to pass on (when I can) is to learn a trade, and set it aside. You said because when all else fails, you have something to fall back on. And with that, you taught me how to use tools and work in construction and home improvements. But I didn't stop there. As you know, I've also learned the art of illusion, and the have acquired the skill of writing, and the talent of acting, and so on and so forth. Oh, and another thing I'll never forget, you started teaching me to drive at nine years old. But I'm thirty now. Thirty. And those are the only two things I can brag about. You know how many times I can remember playing catch with you? Once. On Roosevelt Island.

Geez, I've rambled on. I won't take up much more of your time. Trust me, there's so much more I can write, but it's a lot of stuff you already know. A lot of stuff you can safely assume is the reason of our fallout. I mean, think about the last day we actually spoke. The last day we actually saw each other. That should be enough. Consider it the straw that broke the camel's back.

You weren't a bad father. Don't take it as that. You did what you could. And as I said, in doing that, you taught me a valuable lesson. You taught me exactly who not to grow up to be. So for that: thank you. And again, To say our paths will never cross again would be illogical. Even as big as world as this is, it's bound to happen sooner or later. But that's not how I want to close this letter. Instead, I am going to close with a lyric from a song by Simple Plan:
"Cause we lost it all... nothing lasts forever; I'm sorry I can't be perfect...
Now it's just too late... and We can't go back; I'm sorry I can't be perfect."

Your Son

Sunday, March 24, 2013

Like an unstable house of cards...

Those who have gotten to know me have come to realize I'm nothing short of an open book. There's no 'judging by the cover.' There's no ice-breaking. I've nothing to hide, so why put up a front. The more people know, the less they can have against you anyway.

However, before anyone gets the wrong idea, that's not why I'm writing this today. I'm not defending myself against anybody. In fact, I've taken a slightly different approach this time around: this is more about a vlog, and less about the blog.

Not that I'd expect many of you to remember since being a friend on facebook doesn't mean anything more than knowing a list of people you can't expect to give you a ride to and from the airport, but back in late November, I took something of a hiatus from all social interaction, both on and off line. Very few have noticed, and reached out to me to see if everything is alright. And although, I needed to deal with it on my own, I do thank them for being concerned. It helped for the moment.

A few days before Thanksgiving, I had received some harsh news. Some news I... really didn't care to hear about myself. And it sent me to a deep depression. And in that time away from every one and every thing, I made a video blog where I just lay it all out. I had many reasons for making it. But one that I hope people will take away from it is to stop fucking asking because it's really none of your concern when 'it's going to happen.' And don't find this as a way to try and 'be a friend' if you were never one to begin with. I'm not looking for you condolences. I'm not looking for your sympathy. I'm not looking for anything. I made this for me. And even still, I have no problem sharing it.

Do not expect any type of humor to come from this video. This is not intended for me to be in a funny mood. I was not trying to entertain anyone. If that is what you're expecting, then you're very well better off not watching at all and the fact that you read this much has been a complete waste of your time. (Too honest for you? Deal with it.) Editing it was no easy task for me. To have to relive some of the moments over and over was hard and it wound up taking me longer to cut down and remove any dead air from about 4 hours of footage than I thought. But here it is...

YouTube Link: The moment the world crumbled...

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

With enough effort, the weight of the world can fit on the head of a pin...

There are times when the jokester takes a backseat and some deep shit comes flying out my mouth. It's a rare occurrence  I will admit. But the few times it does happen, you better believe that people stop and listen, more often than not, in complete disbelief.

A couple of weeks ago, one of these rare occurrences happened. And what you are about to read is something that I think many people should stop and think about from time to time in their life. A close friend of mine has been going through some personal battles in his life and he found himself in a mood that he needed some... reassurance, so to speak. I mean, it's fair, we all need something like that from time to time. So why not? However, the inquiry always stands 'Who do I turn to?' Usually, the response comes easy, but those wind up the ones that only tell you what you want to hear. It becomes a matter of now broadening out. And then, I enter stage right... the twist in the plot. How could anything I say be taken seriously, right?

His question was a two part. The first question was "How do you define a relationship?" Boom. Plain and simple. How much more loaded can a question be than with those 6 words, right? (Stay tuned.) Granted, I'm probably the last person anyone would want to ask a serious question to, let alone something like this. But given the circumstances, I knew exactly the sort of ordeal he was going through and I felt no need to be the clown I always am. That's not to say I didn't sneak in a joke here or there. ;-)

Before I go onto what my response was, it's best I point out how many may define it. And this is no opinion other than of my own from what I've witnessed and the stories I've heard. I remember a while ago, I was friends with an older woman who told me she never really knew what being in a healthy relationship was because of the childhood she had: her mother would rotate men like a person would change clothes, eventually she wound up marrying someone who was verbally and physically abusive to her mother as well as her. Being the old soul and somewhat romantic that I am and was, this was heavy shit for me to hear at a young age, to know that this type of things went on. Even at that time (I'm gonna estimate and say she was approximately late 30s/early 40s, I was in my late teens, possibly almost 20), she had someone in her life that was nothing but good to her who she had been with for a few years, and even then, she still had a wall up. No one should ever have to live like that.

And then, last week, while surfing one of my many daily-pictorial websites, I came across this photo-documentary by Sara Naomi Lewkowicz titled Shane & Maggie. The cover photo alone was so captivating, I had to cut off all distractions around me and take the time to go through each picture and study it and read the caption. I highly recommend, whether you want to stop reading this now, or if you want to do so after you've reached the end of this page, that you check out the story. Maybe it's the hero in me that is always looking to be the world's savior that felt the anger, and rage, and depression, and sorrow, and guilt, and all those feelings, as I went through each single picture. Seeing that little girl crying her eyes out and then having to be the grown-up and console her mother. It's fucked up. Plain and simple, it's fucked up.

And then you turn on shit like Maury, and Steve Famous-For-No-Reason-Other-Than-Being-Tough-And-Bald Wilkos, and you see these degenerates who do nothing but cheat, and fuck, and lie, and all this patheticness just to make themselves feel good... and then wonder why women put down men. Fuck you; sign up for regular conjugal visits at your local male prison and stop fucking it up for the rest of us who mean well you disgusting waste of space.

No... these things don't define a relationship. A relationship means so much more in so many different ways to so many different people. So what was my answer about how I define a relationship? Easy: No work. That's it. Just no work. Now before you start attacking me, "Oh, all relationships require work, blah blah blah..." This is true, they do. But it shouldn't be hard. I thought about my past relationships. About how they went wrong. About what went wrong. About how they progressed. And then I thought about the woman I'm married to now. And how not once did it ever cross my mind to wander off. And the difference? This just came easy. Sure, we had our troubles in the beginning. Just some baggage that needed to be lost at the terminal. But it didn't matter. And sure, we have our bumps and swerves on the road here and there. But they get fixed. And it's just easy. A relationship shouldn't have to be another job you go to after you leave your other job. It shouldn't have to be a chore. For me, when I'm with her, everything else just... doesn't matter. I find I forget so much of my issues after just seeing those eyes looking at me because I know everything's gonna be fucking awesome. I have enough shit to deal with out in the world... at home, it's safe. It's easy. It's no work required. That's how I define a relationship.

At this point, I had blown the minds off the two people I was chatting with. I mean come on, Manny Blu is laying down some pretty heavy duty testimony. Who is this guy?! Right? ;-)

Pleased with what I had to say, and feeling a little better, he threw his follow up question at me: "How do I define love?" *sigh* Come on, man... it's eleven o'clock at night... why are you putting this weight on me? LoL

At the moment, I saw no difference between how I defined a relationship versus how I defined love. They seemed be one and the same. And then he brought up how there's different types of love. There's love for your significant other. There's love for your family. There's love for your friends. Well, at that point, it became all clear to me. Other than my wife, I hate everyone anyway, so no wonder they were one and the same. ;-)

Ah, there's the Manny we all know! But I will admit, at the time, I didn't have an answer for him. I really had to think about this and I did not want to just leave it hanging. So the question brewed in my head a few days. Although true that I hate-- hmm... strong word... yeah, we'll go with it... although true that I hate the majority of people, there are a few that I keep near and dear to my hear. The ones I... dare I say it... love. And I started thinking about Anissa... and I started thinking about my mother (as annoying as she is)... and my sister (as equally annoying as her mother)... and I started thinking about my best friend... and I started thinking about my other close friends (regardless how far out of state they are)... and I started thinking about Cheetara (my car... although, she's a close second to Anissa, she does come before family and friends lol) and what did they all have in common. What was it about this short list of people that made them stand out from the rest?

And then I realized exactly what it was: I would do anything for them. Anything. Despite the consequences. Despite the request. Despite the outcome. Despite everything... I define love by exactly how much I'm willing to do for a person. And how far I'm willing to go for them. And how much I'm willing to risk. And for those people, the sky is the limit.

And yet again, after presenting him with my answer, albeit a few days later, I left him speechless that such a profound response came from me.

It's true, these aren't the easiest questions to answer. It's not like "Oh, what do feel like wearing today?" or "Hmm... should I ban large sodas or raise the fares across the city? Fuck it, do 'em both." (You're an asshole, Bloomberg... cannot stress this enough. I will always find a way to point this out until you leave office.) But when you're involved in it, then the answers aren't all that difficult after all. So now ask yourself... how do you define a relationship? And how do you define love?

And by all means, feel free to comment your response below, no matter how long or short.
But also, be sure to check out that pictorial documentary I linked above if you haven't already.

Sunday, March 3, 2013

"Somewhere along the path, I lost sight of it all..."

I have a vague recollection of myself. Once upon a time, I wanted to write, and act, and perform, and on that track, I picked up magic. And then, it started to diminish. It started to slip out of my fingers and out of my grasp. Not because I no longer cared for it. On the contrary: I could want nothing more. But somewhere along the path, I lost sight of it all.
It's funny, before I even started writing tonight, I basically sat here and stared at a blank monitor for a good fifteen or twenty minutes before I even began to know where I wanted to start. And it's been a long time coming for me to want to write... well, anything at all, let alone something like this. Although, you wouldn't have known it if you've interacted with me in any way, but the past few months have been quite a dark episode, and I'm only now starting to feel... ok? I guess... with it.

"'...you're so funny, man, you should be a comedian, God damn!'
Unfortunately, I am, I just hide behind the tears of a clown..." ~>'Beautiful' by Eminem

I was never one to seek out the pity and empathy of others. The last thing I've ever wanted was someone to feel sorry for me. It was something of an homage to Margot Kidder's Lois Lane in 1978's Superman: "You've got me... who's got you?" For no other reason other than to be the hero, I made myself out to be everyone's savior. And with that, I always forgot to look out for myself. Even so, as I said, I was never one to see out the pity and empathy of others. But in that same sense, it would scream volumes to know that there actually are people who are concerned. Just a little message or comment to say 'Hey... everything alright?' I would have told you yes, but those two little words... it really could have helped. And aside from my beautiful and amazing and 'doesn't-have-to-deal-with-my-shit-but-does' wife, Anissa, I can probably count on one hand how many of you have done that, and still be able to use the remote for my TV. So to those of you that did, thank you. I really do appreciate it.
Now this is where it's going to get interesting. Because now, the masses are going to bombard me with messages out of guilt and remorse and be "Oh my god, is everything ok? If you need to talk, I'm here. Anything you need, let me know." I'll save you the trouble because that's exactly what I'm writing about. So, how about that?: you're off the hook.
To start, the exact reason I've had such a negative standpoint the past few months, that's something I'm saving for a different post. I know, I know, now the majority of you are disappointed cause you can't pretend like you're going to be able to help me feel better. No worries, because there wouldn't really have been anything you can do.
What else? Well, I come from virtually a broken family. My sister lives in Florida and I try to live it like she's still a bus ride away. My mother is clearly unhappy here in New York and I'm trying my best to help her find contentment. My father... heh... can't tell you the last time I spoke to my father. Maybe the spring of 2011. And you really do not want me to get into aunts, uncles, and cousins. Because a good portion of them can all go to hell.
Oh, how can I forget! I've clearly made absolutely no progress in my career. I've really no one to blame but myself. Actually, it was just last week when I decided to try and take hold of the reigns on this horse ride once again. I started going through some of my writings, some of my staged productions, some ideas I had jotted down, and really tried to figured out where exactly I lost track of this. Will I be able to hold on or fall flat on my face once again is a whole 'nother story.
Then there's just the stupidity I have to deal with day in and day out. It's almost comical how incredibly idiotic people have become over the years. I mean, remember when common sense and logical thinking were a way of life? You might as well put them on the side of a milk carton. And then this stupid mayor of this retarded city. I often joke, they assassinate JFK, but Bloomberg gets away with slowly breaking down this city for twelve years? Is it really because of his money? Or is it because everyone's just become to lazy to listen to someone new? And in the about 4 years I've lived on Staten Island, the toll has gone up five freaking dollars. That's more than a dollar a year, which would be ridiculous to begin with. I can't do Staten Island anymore. And then there's just the consistent lack of prioritizing about what our goals and purposes should be... yes, Pix11 Morning News, there may be heavy traffic on the expressway and maybe the weather may mess up my commute, but tell me more about how Linda Church is in the fucking Poconos tubing and sledding every other segment because I don't think your facebook fan of the day quite got it yet!

But I digress.
Maybe I shouldn't be entirely too negative. There have been some ups that have occurred. I mean, I've got an incredible wife by my side who is my best friend, my rock, and my life's foundation. And who can complain about that? Regardless of all the negativity I face and put out there, somehow, she's able to just make it all go away with just a smile. She's the reason I wake up every morning and be who I am and do what I can. I can honestly say that if it wasn't for her saving me from basically myself, I don't think I'd have the desire to even care anymore. I gotta say, it's amazing how someone can have that impact on your life. But she is just that, and I cannot show her enough how eternally grateful I am for that.
I had also set out a challenge back in October to eat clean and healthy for 180 days (exactly 6 months to my birthday). It went all good and well for a couple months and then-- well, we'll get to that another day. But it did go well for about 2 months. I wasn't exactly trying, but I managed to lose 25 pounds, bringing me to my goal weight and I really hope it was fat that I lost. And I did hit a brick wall, but I didn't gain it back, so I've decided to pick up the challenge again and what the hell, we'll start it today, March 3rd. Let's see what 180 days can do of clean eating and working out can do.
We've got a cruise coming up which will be amazing because nothing beats being somewhat disconnected from the goddamn world for a good week. Blu.SB has been having an good turnout as more and more people decide they wanna bedazzle their flash drives. Oh, and I guess I should put something about my friends here, right? Cause they're all amazing.
...I hate about 80% of you. The majority of the ones that I don't all live out of state. That puts very little of you within range of hanging out. Honesty's a bitch, but you deal with it when you get it because it's a weakening quality very few have. And that's a positive thing, right? Being honest. ;-)

That's really all I have to write for now. And wow, it did feel good to write again. I should do this more often. In the meanwhile... time to get back on track...