Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Professor Blu's class is now in session...

I did have a blog to write today. That goes without saying as it has been quite... *quite*... some time since I last wrote something. But something arose that sent me on a slightly different path. Don't get me wrong, I'll still write my original, possibly a little later on in the evening. However, something needs to be addressed that I have been hearing a bit of from time to time. And with a week to go until my second wedding anniversary, I figure what better time.

What started as a regular Wednesday morning for me -- getting up early, getting dressed, dropping the wife off at work as parking is a bitch for her on Wednesdays, heading to my mother's in Queens for a quick shower, and off to a healthy breakfast consisting of eggs since I'm told I need protein... or beer... something -- turned quite interesting while I was in the middle of eating my breakfast at my regular diner. It almost seemed scripted and rehearsed the way it was all set up. At the table right behind me sat a mother and her daughter -- I'd place the daughter at about mid-20s -- and it wasn't an enormously loud cause I could make out their convo, but I wasn't exactly across the room either.

Now I'm not one to really eavesdrop. For the most part, people annoy me. In fact, just the other day, I was at Panera Bread, and there was a group of four middle aged to old just sitting and talking something about having tenants which then turned to cold cuts and how Boar's Head is best cause of the low sodi-- what the fuck? I swear, if I didn't know any better, it was some sort of mafia meeting with the gold bracelet and chains the gentlemen were wearing. And there was an Asian woman involved, and I'm pretty sure all the cold cuts and renting that was discussed, she was possibly sold right before my eyes. But I digress... back to the situation at hand.

So I'm not really one to eavesdrop, but I couldn't help considering the topic. It was a general catch up kind of conversation, it seemed. So, one would assume, they live in different residences. The mother (who was back-to-back with me) then asked how the daughter's love life was going. If there was any special person in her life. At this point, I still hadn't caught particular interest, but it was still close enough to not catch the words. The daughter seemed to try and deviate from any details, but made it clear she was seeing someone. The mother insisted on details. This is where it brought me into the convo. By the way, vegetable egg-white omelette with a side of turkey bacon, a cup of coffee, and OJ. So fucking good... I'll get into that in tonight's blog.

As I was saying, this is where it brought me into the convo. Apparently, this girl had met the man she is seeing online. Almost instantly, the mother started questioning the daughter's sanity. "Are you crazy? How can you meet someone online? There's so many guys walking around on a daily basis" Blah blah blah...
It took all my power not to be this guy.

I let them continue as the daughter started to defend herself by stating she's a grown women and plenty of people are meeting this way and how it's perfectly fine and how she'll like the guy. Still, the mother would have none of it. By now, I couldn't finish eating any more and asked for a coffee refill. As I waited for it to be brought to me, the two continued. The mother was clearly upset, and the daughter was, too, as well as agitated by her mother's irrationality.

When my coffee was brought to me, I stood up, picked it up, made a 180, and asked if I could join them as I took a seat next to the mother without waiting for a response. I know: cocky and arrogant, but I needed to add my two cents because... well, you'll learn why.
I introduced myself as Manny, and asked that I don't know their names to make it somewhat more neutral. Plus, I mean... come on... think of the dramatics: awesome stranger in a jeans and a hoodie wearing a hat ready to spread some guidance in one's life and they don't know who you are?? Whaaaaaaat??
I introduced myself as Manny and although both visibly upset and put on the spot, they accepted that I sat with them, unsure of what I was going to do. I started off by telling the girl that her mother was right. She started to protest a little and I asked that she let me finish because she'll want to and be happy to hear what I have to say.

Now I can't exactly write everything I said verbatim, which sucks because it was a pretty epic fucking speech. But I can write how I feel which is what helped fuel what I had to say. I do feel it necessary to state how I started my argument as it set the precedent for what I had to say.
At some point, I had removed my hoodie, and lapped it over the back of my chair. As I was talking, I was fidgeting with my phone. Not to be rude, but because there was a reason. I also made it a point to keep any detail of my left hand hidden for the moment. I started to tell the girl why her mother was right cause the person she met online could be some degenerate with tattoos, has long hair, facial hair, look like he came right out of prison. And then I proceeded to point myself out. I showed them how I had a couple of tattoos showcasing the one on my arm and wrist, showed my long hair, and I have some stubble that only an inmate that has a once-a-week shave would have. Followed by showing them my wedding band. Followed by showing them a wedding photo off my facebook. (The look on the mother's face from the transformation of this short-haired, clean-shaven, hidden-tattooed gentleman to what was sitting next to her was priceless.) They both commented on how beautiful the bride was, and appropriately so. And how gorgeous the wedding dress looked as they asked for me to zoom into it. And then, I let them in on a little secret: I met her online.

The smile that the daughter had, I thought her face was going to break. The mother's stare just turned blank as she didn't know how to retreat. I'm not going to lie, there are some freaks out there on the internet. Some of them wind up on "To Catch a Predator." Some of them will fly you out from coast to coast to meet them and then hold your luggage hostage.

But within those, there are legitimate people who are actually looking for a relationship. Actual people who may not have the time to go out as much as they want, or who don't care to be set up on a blind date just because they're the brother/sister of a friend who's cousin's father was shot in the war that someone's grandfather was discharged from... what??
This brings me to my point: there are so many people that look down on online dating. Who think it's a waste of time. Who think it's creepy. Who think it's embarrassing. Who think it's sad and pathetic. It's not. It really isn't. What is sad and pathetic is when you think it's those things even though the person you're with you met online. Or when you gave it a shot and you gave up after you met two people and it didn't pan out. Or when you don't know what the fuck you're talking about.
Yeah, you can almost say I'm a bit passionate about this because it's something that means something to me. Actually, here's a little fun fact that'll blow you're fucking mind: if ever you think that it's ugly, unattractive, anti-social people that meet online, remember this -- Mila Kunis enjoys it. She enjoys viewing profiles, and helping her single friends meet people, and would do it herself if it weren't for her celebrity status. So go fuck yourself.

Why did I turn to finding someone online? I mean, clearly, I'm not hideous. My confidence is through the fucking roof. I was never one to shy from the bar/club scenes if there was nothing to do. But it's such a waste of time sometimes. I mean, I go to a bar on a Friday/Saturday night, the nights when it's sure to have a nice selection, and for everyone 1 girl there, there's already 10 guys. So, right off the bat, the girl's defense is up. I mean, I was never expecting to have a "How I Met Your Mother" moment in a bar or club, but it doesn't mean it couldn't happen. Still, it just seemed like so much work to try and impress one girl when you know she's most likely only entertaining you for another drink or until another guy comes by. And with work, and school, and trying to get my life started, seriously, who has the time for that. I'd much rather surf some profiles, send a few messages, if the spark is there, then let's tease the fire. If it blazes, then beautiful. If not, then it was fun, wish ya luck, and we go our separate ways. And that's what it was.

And that's how it was for my wife too as she waited for me to come along. And then we met. I believe it was October 26th, 2008 that I first emailed her on And I didn't just write some stupid "Yo, great rack, wanna bang" email. I actually read her profile, and put thought into what I wanted to say to show her I was interested. And how could Superman not be when Wonder Woman has her picture up? ;) And October 29th, 2008, we had our first date. And six months later, we were engaged. And a year and a half after that, we were married, and two years after that, here we are.
So don't put down something like online dating because you don't understand it, or you never tried it, or you're embarrassed. Because in that same retrospect, I can think that working for sanitation is disgusting, or being a lawyer is creepy, or being a retail salesperson or barista or "sandwich artist" is pathetic and sad.
Someone once said "we're quick to judge that which we don't know." And yet, even with this realization, it still happens day in and day out. So when you do so, remember, I will shut you down in a goddamn fucking heartbeat for being an illogical, incompetent, under-educated sonuvabitch!
I'm done! ...Geez, it's not even 12noon yet???

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